This is how I've set up the actual XMPP server, instead docs.trueelena.org/self_hostin…

Personally I don't do a lot of video calls :)

I self-host xmpp and I'd call it one of the easiest things to self-host: I did the original installation (years ago) using debian packages on a cheap vps and now I have to take care about it for a few minutes every now and then for general system security updates, plus once every two years for a distribution upgrade (half a day? when things go *badly*) and maybe a few hours another once per year when compliance.conversations.im tells me that I need to enable some other feature.

I know that conversations.im offers managed hosting, and I believe that there are other places, but I've never really looked into them

I'm not qualified to talk about the quality of the encryption, but with modern clients it's usually active (e2e, of course) by default

For my non-techie family members I've created an account on my server, which probably solved what I suspect could be the major hurdle, and since then they have been able to use it without significant problems. The main support I have to give them is reset their password when they change devices and have lost / forgotten it.

I'm not aware of significant drama (it may be there, but not very visible?)

It supports text and sending files. video calls is available between users of some clients, but it's not something I need, so I don't know which clients they are.

one caveat is that xmpp is *old* and there are a lot of old clients that aren't kept updated, and using those will result in a significantly worse experience. For non-techie users I solved the issue by telling them which client to use (conversations, on android), and there is a word-of-mouth list of clients that are guaranteed to be a safe choice: said conversations, gajim and dino-im on pc, and I believe monal on iThings; there are other clients that are good, if somebody wants to experiment a bit, but those are a good first choice.