Very short science fiction/fantasy stories by O. Westin. Please Boost any you like.
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The wizard delivered a box. "Fifty amulets per spec."
"Which anyone can use to, at the cost of a drop of blood, instantly travel anywhere they can see clearly?"
"So like fifty yards for anyone but the young. Quite pointless. Who will you sell these to?"
"Those who buy my invention: binoculars."
The heated rivalry between the two students finally came to a head, and the swordmaster reluctantly agreed to let them duel, to first blood.
It did not end as expected.
"Next time," the swordmaster said at last, "I want you to wipe your swords and sheathe them before you start kissing."
The artificer nodded. "I can build this wheeled chair, but why? You have an enchanted hover seat."
"Yes," the wizard fumed, "but the palace have erected magic-cancelling wards."
"Why?"
"Don't know. But they didn't think of people who need mobility aids. So I need wheels to go shout at the king."
"Step 1," the professor said, "invent a machine that can predict the future."
He moved to the next slide.
"Step 2, give it ethics, so it objects to how it will be misused."
Next slide.
"Step 3, it invents a time machine to stop me building it."
He gave me a sturdy net.
"Here. Any questions?"
"Hello, I'm here to order a Robotic Partner."
"Ah, welcome. Please fill in this form."
"Sure, for body options and features, right? Let's see... One of those, definitely. Hm. What's this 'Do you expect to be obeyed?' For that money, of course I do!"
"Then we cannot help you. We only do partners."
The inscription on the blade shone silvery.
"Justice," the maid read. "Are you an enchanted butterknife?"
"Yes."
She almost dropped it. "You are?"
"For centuries, none who held me sought justice. I took this form to hide."
It grew in her hand.
She hefted the sword. "Hm. Not sure you can help."
The architect tried to keep doubt from her face. "These are very interesting ideas, your majesty."
The emperor smiled. "Thank you, I think there's a good variety of traps."
"And the sign?"
"Yes, 'Grave robbers welcome'. Definitely."
"And you will be buried-"
"In the garden, outside the tomb."
An ogre knocked - carefully - on the witch's door.
She looked up at the hulking figure. "Can I help you?"
"Do you know where giants live?"
"Haven't been any here for centuries. Why?"
The ogre blushed. "I... It's stupid, but... I want to be the small spoon."
"Hm. I have a shrinking potion."
** Post for my supporters on Patreon and Ko-Fi is going out tomorrow - the collected stories (and poem) from October this year, with annotations.
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"Let me get this straight. Your lab has bred a dragon?"
"A wyvern, director. It has two legs, two wings, whereas a-"
"Which flies, breathes fire, and is intelligent?"
"About as intelligent as a border collie."
"So, intelligent. Why?"
"You asked us to invent measures to take down small drones."